[ Booney! ]

The Heart...

2012-02-05T19:37:00.003+08:00

The brain tells to heart not to do so.
But the heart does so anyway.
And when the heart gets hurt.
The brain tells the heart, i told you so.
The heart then apologizes and says, just doing my job.

Yeah it hurts, but for what reason?
Is it perhaps that i see people all around me moving along.
Having someone to spend time with, to be with, not to be judged but to be held close.

Perhaps.

Christmas....

2011-12-26T01:10:00.002+08:00

Another Christmas has come and gone.
Though many variables have changed, I still hope and wish for the same thing.
That is to have someone special to celebrate these events with.
To share my joy, my laughter, my sorrows, my pain and my everything.

Just can't help but feel so alone. Not complaining though, had a pretty good Christmas this year.
Just that I wished I had someone special to spend it with that's all. Only time will tell .

Heart spoken words...

2011-10-16T18:10:00.002+08:00

Was just browsing through facebook and read something interesting.

Cant remember the entire content or the right words but its something like this:

Girls always say they want a nice guy.
But when they get a nice guy, he's just a friend.
And they go for the jerk instead.
And when they get their hearts broken.
They claim that there isnt any nice guys around.

Quite true i find... Quite true...

So that made me wanna find they right/proper version of it and i chance upon a passage written by this person. And felt like sharing it here.

Here's a direct copy paste:

Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003

Whoever you are fu-zu jen, RESPECT!

So

2011-10-09T10:06:00.003+08:00

So its my birthday today. I'm finally 21.

A year wiser. A year more mature. A year closer to death. But hey life is short and you gotta live it!

Had an awesome bbq party yesterday with some of my close and important friends and people.

And you still are a very important person in my life no matter how i try to deny it, cover it or just forget about it.

I still want you in my life, either still as a friend or perhaps if i'm fortunate, something more in the days, months, perhaps years to come. I still realized that i still have feelings for you. It wasnt as overwhelming strong like a year or two back.

But still. Throughout the bbq, seeing your face lit things up. My heart keep telling me these things. That I wanted to share my life with you, i wanted to have my life spent with you, to have everything i have, everything i do, all with you. I wanted you to be part of my life, my ups and downs, through all my family events and such, i wanted you to be next to me, part of my everything, be my everything.

I know i'm still an idiot. Seeing you attached, i'm glad that you're happy. You've been through so much, and i'm very happy to see you smile and be happy. Whatever happens, i'm here :D

2011-09-07T20:20:00.001+08:00

Soooooooo

I just cant help...

2011-09-05T16:45:00.002+08:00

I just cant help it but feel that gaping hole inside my heart.

I'm thankful that i opened my eyes a few months back, and moved on.

But now i feel like i'm back at square one.

Just the other day, my mom was watching a korean drama called the accidental couple. Sat down and watched a few scenes with my mom and decided to borrow the dvd and watch it later.

Why so? I felt like i could relate to the main character. I mean, he was an average joe that didnt matter, and i could feel his woes, yet he just smiles on.

*edit* Slipped my mind about writing this... How this average joe character, he mentioned that he was happy in his current plight, just because for once in his life, he mattered, that he felt important.

I want to feel that way too. I want to matter to someone, i want to be important, vital to someone. It just sucks that i blend in my surroundings and end up being the guy that doesnt matter. It sucks, it really does, just gets me down sometimes...

Still, one of the few things i liked about the drama, is some of the quotes. Like, the only way to be happy is to just keep smiling, or, not all things are bad. Perhaps i'd be able to see this more clearly when i'm much clear headed. heh. *edit*

I like happy endings, i liked it that in the drama, he got his happy ending. :D

Coincidence

2011-09-04T17:19:00.002+08:00

It was just coincidence that i was scrolling down my Facebook news feed. And i so happened to see your Facebook post. Just coincidence.

So when i read the post, saying :

How do you learn to trust?

I think to myself.
If you want to trust in someone, wouldn't that mean that someone has to trust you?
I mean, if one isn't able to trust you, why would he give a reason for you to be able to trust him?
I can't fathom why you don't know the answer to your question. Isn't it pretty obvious?

Trust is a two way thing. One puts on many facades in ones life, and at times, one changes too many in an instance, that the people around you lose track of what's the truth and what are lies.

I come to question many things, pushing away answers that i know it is, but choose to look the other way, but always, i look the opposite direction and just stare at the true.

What friendship? What friend doesn't return another friend's call? What friend doesn't keep the initiative to keep in contact with another? What friend does that?

I read back on old messages on my old phone by chance awhile back (so seemingly that i had to spoil my phone and had to use my old one for a period), that i read back and just laughed to myself at one of the messages.

You treasure the friendship that we have? I really question that. Feels like its just a sugar coated lie. But what the hell, i give the doubt, but comes the previous paragraph that i ask... Honestly, is that how a friend behaves to another?

I know i wouldn't treat my friends like that. Yeah i might not be the best looking (and yes, i was damn fat then, probably an embarrassment to have a friend[perhaps just a 'co-worker'] like me), i might not be careful with the words i speak, but, think about it.

Have i deliberately insulted or harmed you in any way (as a capacity of a friend that is)?

I think not.

I might be tactless, but if there was one think for sure, i made myself to try to be Mr.nice. Always trying to put on a smile, trying to be considerate (in the right mind of course, cant fault me for not being perfect....i know).

Just feels like I'm just someone you were 'forced' to be related to, and so came a facade to handle this. I mean no one can blame me for thinking like this if they were in my shoes.

So i guess, it really does boil down to a question i ask myself time and time again.

Are we still friends?

Heh, I'm an idiot.

No matter where...

2011-08-28T00:18:00.002+08:00

No matter where i go, no matter which group of friends, i always feel out of place.

Thankfully, i've got my buddies from SA, some particular OETI fellows, some particular BMT brothers.

Guess, its always hard to find a group of friends that suit you, that know you and accept for who you are. Some have the luck, while others can try to find that group their whole life but never find it at all. Hah. Life. What a journey.

Kryptonite

2011-05-27T20:44:00.001+08:00

You're my kryptonite, my weakness...

How i wish i could just loose this weakness of mine, to be invulnerable, to be untouchable.

That i do not want to lose one of my closest friends because of this weakness.

I feel stupid, much like a fool. Hah

I suck.

2011-05-22T19:44:00.001+08:00

Yeah period...

Still a fool..

2011-05-10T00:09:00.002+08:00

Its been so long.. yet i haven't been able to forget, to move on.
Clearly, i'm still a great big fool. I feel hopeless, i feel like an idiot, seriously like the world's greatest fool.
My mind is clear no what i should do, but my heart does otherwise, and somewhere at the back of my head, something or somewhat is instigating my heart, supporting it, to carry on.
Maybe i'm really just a fool, or perhaps just a hopeless romantic...
I keep hoping for something to happen, yet there's a fear that if i mess up, i'd never be able to speak to you ever again. I'm just stuck, confused and ever the fool.

I feel pathetic...

2011-05-08T19:32:00.001+08:00

Enough said.

Why...

2011-04-30T21:30:00.002+08:00

Why cant any one see my heart crying out loud.

For company, for love, for you.

It feels void, void of something, i cant really describe it well.

But something just tells me, that the void, somehow, is you.

I know it sounds stupid, i know i sound stupid, heck, i sound like a huge fool. But really, it feels empty. I can feel it crying out loud. And there's nothing i can do. You're in your own world now. I'd just be an extra, a calefare in your life. Just like the term calefare really, aspiring extras hoping to make it big in the film industry. I just feel like i'm an extra, just a phase in your polytechnic life, a passerby, who'll never make it big in your eyes, who will be forgotten, not being beside you.

Sad aint it...

I hate where my life is going

2011-04-24T21:51:00.002+08:00

I hate where my life is going, seriously.

Well, like its going anywhere infact.... its well, stagnant, a complete halt.
Its just irritating and just annoying that i wish i could scream my head off. I hate the way my life is right now, i hate how i'm moving no where, i hate that i'm wasting 2 years of my life for this army shit. Damn man....

I still feel

2011-04-17T21:04:00.001+08:00

I still feel an emptiness inside.

Will it be filled?

I wonder

I remember, i miss...

2011-04-06T21:38:00.002+08:00

I remember the smiles that we made,
I remember the fun that we had,
I remember the laughs we shared,
I remember the stress we carried,

Through out time in nyp, though we made have just been friends,
but in my heart, i dearly enjoyed every moment spent, especially in your presence.

I miss seeing that smile of yours,
I miss hearing that sweet voice of yours,
I miss watching you doing every little thing,'
I miss bathing in your presence.

Now that our paths have split, i still hold this wish,
that no matter what, that i'll see you again, to be in your presence.

I remember things you've said,
I miss hearing things from you.

Though i know, you are happy with someone else,
i had wished, that you'd have at least let me know,
to share your joy, but if that was your wish,
to keep me out, then i'd respect that,
i only hope, that no matter what,
you'll be happy, true to heart.

Soo...

2011-04-03T11:00:00.002+08:00

So i sit here and think,
O what i should do,
About the things we've said,
About the times we've shared,
Though we may have just been friends,
But it felt like joy,
Seeing at how things are,
I'm doubtful of how it'll be,
But despite all this,
I'm still missing you.

Random writings...

2011-03-13T17:55:00.002+08:00

Random writings of mine...

1.

Heart feels empty,
Life feels meaningless,
As i yearn dearly,
This emptiness just increases,
Day by day,
Heartbreak by heartbreak,
I still hope for that chance,
Like the silly fool i am.

2.

Feeling incomplete,
I search my soul,
Only to discover,
What i needed,
What i desired,
Was not famed,
Was not fortune,
But it was simply,
To be with you.

3.

Looking all around,
Seeing people hand in hand,
I look inside,
And wonder,
How it would be,
If i had that,
To be not one,
But a part of two.

You'll be in my heart

2011-03-06T17:46:00.001+08:00

Made my day...

2011-02-20T19:35:00.002+08:00

Something unexpected happened today.

It made my day. Heck, it made my week. Heck that once more, it made my year.

:D

It shall spur me on to lose more weight

When....

2011-02-17T10:44:00.002+08:00

When i saw your facebook post, the one that said that hen you mentioned you were alright but in fact you were calling out for help. That just struck me a hurt my heart, that i wish i could be there to aid you, to comfort you.

I just hate how circumstances are now. There isnt any other person i'd like to be with now or every single moment i have. I wish i could be around you to shield you from any harm, to grow old with you, to take care of you, to spoil you bad, to cherish you, to hold you.

May you find happiness in all you do. :D

Happy valentine's day

2011-02-14T20:05:00.001+08:00

Here's me wishing you a very happy valentine's day. hope its a great day for you. Sincerely. stupid dumb fella - richard

Hmm

2011-02-13T19:43:00.002+08:00

Well tomorrow's valentine's day.

Thankfully, against the urges of my mind, i've resisted the temptation to go buy some roses and chocolates and such for her...

Guess it would be a stupid move. Think it was about now last year that i gave flowers and a card... I still feel very stupid.

In any case.

Here is my sincere wishing to you, yes you, a very happy valentine's day!
From a very stupid fellow.

Yearning

2011-02-13T02:04:00.000+08:00

Yearning for what i always wanted, yet knowing that it isnt the time for it...

Man...

2011-02-04T00:40:00.002+08:00

Man...

Having my cousins over for cny and stuff. Seeing my family together. Seeing my sister and her boyfriend.

It made me want to find my other half asap. I mean, i want to be able to go to my cousins and aunts and uncles and proudly and confidently say, Hey - this is my girlfriend.

You know, i wish i could really do that.

Hahah i really am hopeless

I feel like...

2011-01-29T02:26:00.001+08:00

I feel like i'm reaching out for the unreachable.

That i'm trying to grasp what can't be grasped.

Trying to hold onto what cannot be held.

I feel...

2011-01-22T21:05:00.001+08:00

I feel pathetic... I feel sad... I feel hopeless...

Why cant i just shake this feeling off?

Why cant i just let go?

I feel so stupid, so dumb, so idiotic....

Really, when things come to such a way, its hard to think clear, its hard to make the right choices...

I feel so stupid...

I still...

2011-01-18T20:00:00.000+08:00

I still find it hard to let go...

I'm really pathetic.

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

And i think to myself...

2011-01-13T22:00:00.002+08:00

Why do i even try?

Honestly?

Why?

I mean, i do things with full knowledge of whats the most probable outcome (and it always is the outcome).

I try to talk to you on msn, i get hardly a response.

I message you on the phone, i hardly get a reply, and if there is a reply, its often late.

I try nudging you on your facebook profile (and thank god i dont do this even close to regular activites, which makes me way save from being a stalker, phew), i hardly get a response.

So honestly, how stupid have i been....

How retarded and blinded and stubborn i have been?

Perhaps i dont count close to a friend anymore. I know that i like you, but i did promise that i would differentiate things, that i would know where the line is drawn. And i dont intend on breaking that promise.

Yet why do i feel that you're trying to draw a distance, this huge gap between us. Like i'm looking at you from the other side of the canyon.

Perhaps its my fault things ended up this way.

Well what can i do now. Probably just pack up and leave. Move forward. Have got to stop trying to cross that canyon and just move on.

I've been stupid and i still am stupid. Hah

I dunno...

2011-01-11T00:14:00.002+08:00

I don't know where to head to from now on.

I know its best to give up and i should and i really SHOULD be doing it.

I mean, for starters, even as friends, we're not so close anymore....

Guess perhaps i've been caught up in my past and so. I need to move on.

I shouldn't be wasting my time at this juncture.

So off lameass Avenue and off to new things street aye :D

POP LOH!

2011-01-09T17:59:00.002+08:00

Yeah. I've finished my basic military training. I've walked my 24km march and i've lost weight. I feel awesome :D

New year...

2011-01-02T21:33:00.004+08:00

Its the new year. Got myself thinking, how the past year has been...

Well, i guess my resolution for year 2011 is:
1) Be an even better son to my parents
2) Be an even better brother to my siblings
3) Never going back to my old physical size again
4) Be an awesome boyfriend (if i am lucky enough to get attached this year lol)
5) Survive the rest of my national service

Yeah guess thats for me.
Kinda hope resolution no. 4 does happen for me. Quite sick of being alone. Just one....

Well lets just wait and see what god has in store for me. :D

Change....

2010-12-30T00:29:00.000+08:00

Change... I think its time for me to change. Pointless to remain the same. Yeah

Merry Xmas

2010-12-25T00:41:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas everyone.

I've probably wished for the same present for the last 2 christmas as well, but doubt it'd come anywhere close to reality.

Haha

Me <- Silly

It just struck me....

2010-12-12T14:55:00.002+08:00

When i was setting up the christmas tree with my family, listening to music on the radio.

It just struck me...

I dont want to be alone anymore. I want to find a companion. I want to have someone walk by my side.

Weird for a guy to think like this aye?

Wonder...

2010-12-05T17:48:00.002+08:00

I wonder whats ahead of the road for me...

My army life kinda sucks...

Social life is about dead since well i'm in the army and its BMTC/Pulua Tekong now....

Wish this army phase gets over soon... i really dont enjoy it. Maybe things will get better after BMT... Maybe... I do hope so...

My heads all messed up. My minds all worried... I have bad intuition feeling all the time... This sucks...

Well hopefully i see better days ahead, a clearer vision and goal and more catching up.

Back at one.

2010-12-04T00:42:00.000+08:00

Curses... I thought i had it planned, i thought i had it worked out...

But guess what?

I'm back at square one....

Blank...

2010-11-27T23:31:00.002+08:00

My heads all blank, my hearts all blank. I ain't thinking, I ain't feeling...

Man am i tired like hell...

Wonder whats in stall for the future...

Stuck once again

2010-11-21T19:39:00.002+08:00

I thought i had it figured out. I really did.

But once again. I find myself stuck at another crossroad.

A path on my right that might lead me to more despair and doubts or perhaps bliss.
A path on my left that might lead me to newer possibilities and things however i might miss out what might be good on the right path...

So here i am, staring at this two paths, wondering which i should take. I was darn sure i picked the left path, however i started doubting myself and wavering willpower.

What should i do? I'm pretty much stuck here, sitting down, wondering, hoping, waiting for a sign. I know its retarded, i know its dumb, but i really have no idea what path to take...

So i guess what i can only do in the mean time is to create a third path, a path that lets me choose either the left or right in the future, whilst i just postpone judgment day...

I'm silly :P

Letting go... Am i?

2010-11-17T16:20:00.002+08:00

I find myself questioning well... myself.

I tell myself to let go, i feel that i'm letting go. But... I know there's a part of me still desperately clinging on... Its annoying and heart-wrenching to be like this.

I do hope i find my answer soon.

In the mean time, i shall do my utmost best to treat you as one of my best friends, well actually you are one of my best friends, just seems to the recent few craps and stuff just made things a tad 'cut-off'.

Heh.

Yeah i'm letting go and its good

2010-11-14T17:25:00.002+08:00

Soo it took me about over 2 years but i've done it (i think?).

I think i'm letting go pretty well. Maybe i should have done so earlier? Or maybe it was just the experience. Whatever it is, its best that i let go.

I still feel like a fool, but i guess i still don't regret being the fool.

So now i look at things, and wonder how my future would be. Who would i fall for this time round?
What events will unfold? Would it be a cold and bleak one? Or would it be a warm and fruitful one?

Only time will tell aye?

O and damn yeah! I lost 23.3kg thus far! BOO YAH!

:D

I think...

2010-11-06T00:46:00.002+08:00

I think i'm slowly letting go.

Bit by bit. Feelings by feelings.

I think i'm letting go.

Think its good. Though, we really have not spoken or chat for a decent time since we last met.

I should let go and i think i should.

So letting go bit by bit, feelings by feelings. Don't know when it'll end but i hope its soon. I dont want to walk down this path again. Its stupid, its dumb.

Though i know i'm a fool, i guess i dont really have any regrets. Still i'm a fool.

I still

2010-10-31T18:02:00.001+08:00

I still think and wonder how are you.

I know i'm foolish and idiotic. But i just cant help myself so.

Maybe

2010-10-29T21:54:00.001+08:00

Maybe i should move on...
Or maybe i should hang on...

Maybe i should stop thinking...
Or maybe i should carry on blindly...

Maybe i'm forgotten...
Or maybe i'm just ignored...

Maybe...

Sooo

2010-10-17T14:36:00.003+08:00

So where do i stand now?

Am i really considered a friend? Or am i just forgotten already?
Never heard a word from you. Never had a conversation that was initiated by you.
Even my birthday got forgotten...

Maybe its that you're busy. Maybe its just that the poly phase is over.

It is really said how things have turned out. There i was last week, hoping to see a birthday wish from you. Not even a belated wish came... Rather sad...

I find myself into my 8th week of NS soon. I still don't like it. I miss home, i miss my freedom of choice, i miss a lot of things.

Its rather ironic that everytime i take the mrt home. I arrive at YCK mrt, i pray i get to see a glimpse of you, that when i drive past lentor, i get to see a glimpse of you.

Pathetic isn't it.

How i wish i could forget, how i wish i could just move on.

I really do wonder what the future holds for me.

Pending NS Pes status, don't know what unit i'll end up in, what studies i will do after NS, what career i would pursue, who i'd spend my other half of my life with.

-_- thinking too much is bad for one's mental health.... definitely not good...

Well, this is to hoping that you're still well, you're happy.

Its my birthday or well it was yesterday...

2010-10-10T00:00:00.002+08:00

Of all the birthday wishes i received.

There was only one birthday wish i wanted to hear more than the rest, and that was from you... But i never got to see or hear it... Kinda sad...

:(

I wonder

2010-10-01T21:09:00.002+08:00

I wonder...

How are you doing...

I wonder...

What keeps me going?

I wonder...

Whats going to be ahead of me...

I wonder...

How is it like to be 2 instead of 1...

I wonder...

So much...

Back From Camp.

2010-09-10T19:38:00.001+08:00

I'm back. Its been about a day since i got back from camp.
Feels awesome to be back home.

I still wonder how are you fairing from time to time. Hope things are going fine for you.
Hopefully we'll keep in touch soon ^_^

Hmm

2010-08-25T22:21:00.003+08:00

Well tomorrow's my enlistment.

You never did tell me when you were free to hang out. Guess i know as a friend, where i stand.

*edit*
Looking back at our past conversations. I feel like my impatience, my free time blinded my objective thinking.

I really enjoyed those friendly conversations we had. I really do. Just seems sad that we don't speak much anymore. Probably caused by my actions... Probably...

I feel stupid and silly. Really. Writing on my blog, as if i were speaking to you. I am a fool. A big one at that.

Wonder what the future holds... Well, i just feel i also owe you an apology. Sorry. Sorry for being an idiot that i am. Sorry.

*edit*

And to my awesome friends who hung out with me. Thank you. Much appreciated and heartfelt.
Edwin, Seth, YJ, Firdaus. Thanks guys. :D

Soo new chapter in life aye? Hahah

Sigh and Haiz

2010-08-23T23:44:00.002+08:00

I kinda feel that I'm a rather insignificant friend in your eyes. I do.

Perhaps it might not be your intention, however, actions wise, think its kinda points to it.

3 days to enlisting, well, 2 when the clock ticks over at midnight.

Probably it becomes a new life, a new day for me. Enlistment... Self preservation... Hope... Faith...

Behind this smile...

2010-08-19T23:57:00.002+08:00

Behind all this, lies a broken man,
That has lost his shin-ing light.

Behind this man, lies a lying face,
Of one that hides the truth.

Behind this face, lies a sad sad smile,
That hides, the rest beneath.

Behind this smile, lies an aching heart,
Which hurts to see you sad.

Behind this heart, lies a lonely soul,
Which calls out loud for the one.

Behind this soul, lies the truth untold,
That sleeps, within this man.

Heh. Trying write something, haven't really thought of what this is gonna be. A reminder? A song? I dunno.

I just cant help but feel, things have changed so much, the variables, the situation, the atmosphere, everything. I feel like you've changed somewhat. Might be for the best.
Not many good memories follow you in these three years around, probably its the best way to be.

Days have gone by since i last spoke to any of my classmates, save firdaus and sandy (tho ughit was a rather brief chat). It makes me wonder how each and everyone of us have been. Have you guys changed? Or is it just me.

There are many things i still do not know, and more i'm sure that would come in my journey in life. Where was that silver lining in which i loved.... Where...

.

2010-08-18T00:22:00.002+08:00

Against what my mind tells me, my heart yearns to drop a text, or give you a call.

My heart tells me to try and find out how you've been. I really feel stupid.

Its really hard to feel happy alone. Really does.

So my heart say call, brain says dont and its in constant conflict.

This is so stupid, argh!

I wont...

2010-08-16T22:39:00.003+08:00

I wont text you or contact you for meet ups before my enlistment.

Since i've said in the last messages that tell me when you're free and we'll catch up. I mean, seems like you're the busy one so. Yeah. Always been the case, your schedules are packed, you're not free etc.

Come to think of it, you've always been pretty busy and packed with activities, dates and stuff on your calendar.

*edit*
And to think of it even more.... Never have you been the one to ask me for a meet up (not including that jog/walk meet up...).

I'm beginning to feel like i'm just a fall back guy. Like you don't really place me as a friend.
Sigh. Then again, i might have made things the way it is now.

Always being there, always being the nice guy, and my few recent movements (to say), probably made it this way. Sigh....
*edit

Well, whatever it is, be well. Haha

Enlistment... come on! So slow....

Wonder what the future holds for me....

Was thinking of doing Bachelor of Arts (communication) in SIM after my ns. Idea might change. Who knows. I really wished i knew though, how my future would be like, who i end up with, how life will be. But i guess the journey is the one that would be the most exciting or heartbreaking.

Smiling though the heart's sad.

I wanna....

2010-08-15T15:30:00.002+08:00

I wanna call you up right now...

I wanna text you right now...

I wanna msn chat with you right now...

So many i wanna's.

But i fear and am afraid of what might happen or any sort of weirdness that might appear.

I dont want to give up on my hope but odds are against me. They really are....

Especially what you told me, i've gotta fully respect you and your decisions. But argh...

Stupid, silly, useless me....

Hmm

2010-08-14T22:59:00.003+08:00

Strange right?

I mean some people picture being whisk away by their prince charming or meeting they're princess etc...

For me its slightly different. I wish i get whisk away to an alternate universe.
Something like what happened to Titus in Final Fantasy X. Where he finds a place in the world, meets a girl he falls in love with, surrounded by teammates and friends. Really thats kinda how i wish things could work out for me at times.

Sounds childish right? Haha yeah i know it is.

And while watching HIMYM again, passing through the episode on being on someone's hook. It made me think, am I on your hook? That you're keeping me on the hook?

I really hope not. Haha. Besides i think my brains more than half dead already sooooooo, i guess its fine by me now ROFL. 'Sides i've got NS so, it'd take up my time and thoughts o yeah!

BRING IT ON NS! BRING IT ON TEKONG! WOOOOOOOOO

Meh...

2010-08-13T01:00:00.003+08:00

Meh. Scratch that last post.

Getting slightly paranoid i find myself after reading that post again...

Still cant believe i still cling onto a hope for a possibility, no matter how small it is.

I know that the odds are against me, but one can hope can't he?

Haha. Silly me. So stupid.

I do wonder...

2010-08-13T00:50:00.003+08:00

I do wonder...

Do you really consider me as a friend?

Not implying anything, just its some questions like these that pop into my head once in awhile.

Like, did you mean what you say?

Haha, guess when you have too much time on hand, one does start to think too much.

I think in my case, yes i've probably have started thinking too much

Blah

2010-08-12T23:26:00.002+08:00

O well, NS in 2 weeks, your uni prob starts soon.

Doubt we'd catch up.

At least i hardly think of you anymore, think that's a good step forward for me.
Well, hope you're doing well, enjoying your new classmates.

Don't forget us poly pals as well arh! LOL

Hmm off to NS woooooo

*yes, i am freaking bored at home*

...

2010-08-09T00:14:00.001+08:00

Verse 1

I wanna know where you belong,
I wanna know why I sing this song.

I try to show how much I feel,
is that a dream or is it real?`

I never look where you belong,
until I'm gonna sing my song.

Is it a lie or is it true?
So many tears I've cried for you.

Refrain:

Oh ho oh ho a million tears for you
Oh ho oh ho a million tears for you
Oh ho oh ho a million tears for you
Oh ho oh ho a million tears for you

Verse 2

A Million tears that i have cried,
I wish you where right by my side.

I try to show how much I care,
believe in me I will be there.

I never knew where you belong,
whenever you just hear my song.

Is it a lie or is it true?
So many tears I've cried for you.

Refrain:

Oh ho, oh ho, a million tears for you,
Oh ho, oh ho, a million tears for you

A tad sad, a tad lonely...

2010-08-07T23:52:00.001+08:00

Title says it all. Haha

Temptation...

2010-08-02T00:46:00.003+08:00

Temptation is a very powerful emotion, one might say.

There were many occasions when i saw you online that i wanted to nudge and speak to you, however, what was i to say? I'd probably make a full of myself and make things awkward...

And on facebook, the temptation to check your profile is always there, but i keep telling myself, not to do so. To give myself some space from you. I mean, i don't want to make you feel I'm always checking your status, that I'd be suffocating you.

I'm not ignoring you or anything. Its just i really don't know what i can say or should say.

I mean i already feel like a big big big idiot since the last time......

And time's running up for me, 24 more days till i enlist, and if i recalled, your University starts mid-Aug...

I really wish i knew how you are doing, whats going on and stuff...

Damn the temptation is strong to just message you or nudge you... I really really really wish to know how have you been...

Hah.... guess I kinda cleared up the confusion in my head too...

Time is short, for everyone... Waiting for NS, seeing the time tick down, made me realize so.

Whatever it is, even if i don't meet up with you before NS, if you are reading this.

Push Forward in whatever you do, never be daunted by rumors, idiots and fake friends. Find that true buddy of yours in class, and smile, be happy. And most importantly, never change who you are, for whatever reason it is, stay true to yourself.

*thumbs up*

Confusion...

2010-07-31T23:34:00.001+08:00

I'm slightly confused..

Confused as to what led me to this path. Was it my stubbornness? Was it my feelings?

What was it that led me here?

I cant remember my reasons for doing so anymore. Its like i've lost my bearings. My beacon of light as one might call.

It's good that i don't think of you much nowadays, probably a few people would be glad to hear so. But i just really cant recall what made me do those stuff, what was the drive, the reason to do so... I can't seem to identify it or them. Haha...

Ignore, pretend, forget...

2010-07-26T00:47:00.001+08:00

Ignore.... Pretend.... Forget....

My 3 best solutions to self-preservation.

Do my best to ignore... if it fails... pretend something else happened... if it fails... forget about it.... if that fails.... rinse and repeat. It'd work out somewhere in those 3 steps....

Might take long but it does work...

I think to myself... what brought me here, what reason did i first hold onto? I'm starting to wonder and question that...

Looking back...

2010-07-21T11:12:00.000+08:00

Looking back at the things i've done, i think to myself, RICHARD! YOU SUCK!....

Yeah... Thats what i think....

Hmm

2010-07-17T21:09:00.001+08:00

Many days to ponder, many more to wonder... I've really got too much free time!

NS COME ON FASTER!

Looks like my only company against time, is my trusty good old World of Warcraft. Tho screw the downtimes.... GO WARLOCKS!

:D

Dont get me wrong..

2010-07-13T23:49:00.002+08:00

Don't get me wrong.

I'm drawing the line perfectly. I've already found closure so please don't worry.

If i 'help out' in those facebook games, its not because I'm delibrately doing so, its just that those 4 games... are apparently on my do to list per day, so if i see something, I'll just add-on/help out. Basically I'm doing what i would do for my friends... So don't see it as any other way, okay? :D

Closure...

2010-07-12T21:52:00.001+08:00

I think i found closure... Thanks yang jun old bud. I know you got my back.

Once again, i'm sorry.

I feel...

2010-07-09T23:40:00.001+08:00

I feel like i owe you an apology.

I'm sorry.

I was so caught up in my world, i at times forget about yours. Really am sorry.

Why there good sir...

2010-07-09T20:13:00.001+08:00

Why there good sir, could i borrow the use of your wall?

Whatever is it for?

Why to smash my head against it of course.

I feel mocked.... really... good going there universe... good going...

I hate myself...

2010-07-09T15:18:00.001+08:00

I hate myself, not much to elaborate is there?

I hate myself, for being incompetent, for being useless, for not being able to hold on things dear to me. I hate myself for many things...

I hate myself...

Hmp

2010-07-08T21:43:00.002+08:00

Been pondering about my last post and what my sister said.

And i think i wont regret at all.

I think if there's anything to take away or learn from all this, is the experienced learned.

But i don't think I'd regret it. Not one bit. I mean, i walked myself into this. So, suck up and live with it HAHAHA.

Time ticks away, 49 more days before i enlist. Wonder if I would get to meet up with you again. I don't want things to go sour or weird. Just wished i knew what is going on, in the world, in the army, in your mind.

But I'm just a normal man. Haha. I'd be superman if i could do that.

So I'm still kinda back at square one, happy on the outside but sad on the inside(but it ain't that bad anymore). Maybe I've grown used to it? HAHA Never know...

Is she right?

2010-07-08T19:31:00.001+08:00

Today my sister told me, remember this day, 8 july 2010, 11.24pm, i told you, she will be a regret in your life.

My sister said you would be a regret in my life.

Now we all know how woman's intuition can be deadly spot on at times. I really wonder if it is the truth.

I mean deep down, i fear it might happen, but i don't want it to be like that.

Time seems to be working against me... I really don't know what to do. I still feel venerable, i still wonder a lot, i still daydream a lot...

Has anyone?

2010-07-08T01:59:00.002+08:00

Has anyone felt moments of vulnerability?

I feel quite venerable at the moment, for no reason at all. Or is there?

My mind keeps going back to what is, what will, what could be. It really isn't nice.

Looking at the facts, facing reality, i don't like that.

If anyone asks me, why do i play games so much? Its to just escape this harsh reality.

I don't like it. Not one bit at all. Not one...

...

2010-07-05T20:30:00.002+08:00

Seeing my sister's boyfriend of a few weeks having to leave the country to further his studies, my mom asked me. What did i see in you that made me like you. I blatantly replied personality to shrug it off.

Thinking about it.

I know i didn't fall in love with you for your drop dead good looks, i mean come on, if i did, i would have liked you the first day i meant you, and not a year after.

I think it was a gradual process, getting to know you better, spending time with you. I found myself falling in love without knowing. And if i have to name what i love, its gonna be so hard to identify them. I mean, i already smitten with you so how the heck is it possible to identify the main one?

I guess personality did play a role, that sweet smile of yours played a role, and okay have to admit, your looks also played a part, but hey, like i explained, if your looks were the main part, i would have already liked you in the beginning, but i didn't.

Its strange how things turned out. Never foresaw myself falling in love with you. Seriously. But now that i did. I don't regret it at all.

Just never change who you are for anyone, and be happy. I like it when you smile.

Have you ever...

2010-07-04T23:56:00.003+08:00

Have you ever woken up feeling lonely?

Have you ever seen a happy couple and you want that?

Have you ever?....

Need you now - Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Woah, woah
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

Further

2010-07-01T23:31:00.002+08:00

As each day passes, the further my control of the situation is pulled away from me...

Time ticks away, every passing second is like agony to me. Knowing of what is to become, that is some torture. Every passing moment i have that i'm not preoccupied, i think of only 2 things, the first is obvious, you. The second is how things are going to move at, the distance that will be established. It is painful and heart-wrenching to think about it.

I really don't know what to do... Sometimes i wished i could go back in time, rewrite my actions, be more bold, and yet, i wonder to myself, would that have messed up everything?

Would i be able to hold onto this throughout my national service, or would i break easily?

This is really tormenting.... I wish i knew what would happen, i wish i could fast forward to the happy parts. I wish.

Further... Further...

Back to one

2010-06-30T01:47:00.004+08:00

I've experienced a whole range of emotions, thoughts, feelings. And i'm back to square one.

I'm all smiles on the outside, the jovial guy.

But inside, i'm not feeling happy, if anything's i'm feeling, its nothing. I feel void inside, empty...

And everytime i think of the inevitable outcome, i fear, i'm scared, i dont want things to go that way, but i know it would. It really scares me...

So i'm back to square one...

One... you're like a dream come true...
Two... just wanna be with you...
Three... girl it's plain to see... that your the only one for me...
Four... repeat steps one through three...
Five... make you fall in love with me...
If ever I believe my work is done... then I start Back at One

...

2010-06-29T01:28:00.001+08:00

I miss seeing you, being in your presence, having a chat.

I wonder how are you now, how have you been...

So many things... I feel like an idiot. Truly

If there is...

2010-06-28T16:13:00.001+08:00

There are many things are don't know, many things that i'm unsure.

But i guess, if anything that i know, is that one feeling i have.

Will i?

2010-06-26T01:01:00.002+08:00

Will i ever get a chance?

I wonder, i think, i ponder.

I try to occupy myself, play games, watch shows, but at the end of the day, i still end up back to square one, thinking about you.

Could be, how have you been?

Or

Have you decided which university to go to?

How is your dog, rico?

Have you been doing fine?

Whats up?

Many of these questions pop into my mind, i cant seem to shake them off.

I pray, i hope, that some day, i'll find out that answer. That i'd be given a chance. One can only hope.

If there's a will, there's a way - true to that, but the problem is, the way that appears, might not be the one you want, that i want...

Man proposes, heaven disposes. Thats a better term i guess.

One can only hope and pray in times like this... in times like this...

Now i just...

2010-06-24T23:31:00.001+08:00

Okay now i just feel... lonely and empty.

I'm longing for companionship...

Hah.

Hmm

2010-06-24T21:12:00.002+08:00

Having less frequent blog posts does not mean i've move on, i've forgotten or i'm onto something else. Its just that my thoughts are still the same.

I cant let go, i wont let go. I just cant. So i'll be here, waiting for the time. :D

I Just...

2010-06-23T20:13:00.002+08:00

I just miss her when she's not around,
I think about her all the time...

I just..

Complete Idiot Number 1

2010-06-22T13:22:00.001+08:00

I feel like a complete idiot.

Sending you my last 3 messages... WTH was i thinking?

I feel so so so stupid, so dumb OMG.

Complete idiot number 1 thats me.

I Miss

2010-06-19T19:44:00.000+08:00

I miss looking at those eyes of yours.

Your beautiful smile. That gentle look...

I miss everything about you..

Call me nuts. Hahah

But its kinda a good thing i think less now. Less but not much...

A reason...

2010-06-19T01:25:00.001+08:00

I feel as though, the push back of my National Service enlistment was meant for a reason.

Like the universe is given me more time. But for what?

That i cant put to words or mind. What is this extended time for?

Is it to spend more time with the ones that matter to me?

Is it more time for me to straighten the matters of my heart?

What is this extended 14 days to me?

Whatever it is. I just feel like the universe is giving me more time...

:D

2010-06-18T01:33:00.001+08:00

Okay my national service enlistment date has been pushed back.

From the initial 12Aug to 26Aug. Wonder whats the change?

Is it a sign? Or is it some sort of deterrence for me?

I really dont know......

Sigh...

I just want to hold your hands....

Selfish...

2010-06-14T19:48:00.004+08:00

I feel so selfish inside.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I hate the variables and situation i'm in. I hate it so.

I wish i could tweak the situation, alter the variables, change things all to my gain. I know that's a selfish thought, but i really wish i could...

Really wish

I really don't want to be alone anymore.
I don't want to walk this earth solo.
I want to be with the one i love...

I feel rather selfish in this aspect...

Heart yearns, heads says control.... ARGH

I still pray and hope, when you are ready, that you would give me a chance. Thats all i ask, i hope it is not too much to ask...

Ending...

2010-06-13T21:48:00.001+08:00

Why do i feel like come august, our affinity comes to an end.

You always seem so busy. So hard to reach. Always out of reach.
That come august, my national service and your university, would drive me further from you. I don't want that to happen.

I don't want my affinity with you to end.

Why do i always feel this way?

Maybe i'm angry inside, is also due to this. Maybe...

Why....

2010-06-13T00:18:00.002+08:00

Why do i feel so angry yet sad at the same time inside?

Angry and irritated, impatient and hot tempered. I need you so...

Maybe I'm just angry at myself for being so useless, inferior, helpless... Why?

I feel so bottled up, like a shaken soda can that's waiting to explode in any unsuspecting person's face.

I feel so angry inside, feel like i would lash out at anyone who would try to piss me off.

But what can i do?

So many things i have thought of saying to you. But each time i look at you, at your smile, into your beautiful eyes, I'm at a lost for words. You're like an angel who fell down from the skies above.

Its strange how matters of the heart bring about a whole range of emotions. From sadness to happiness and to anger.

Its good that i got that out...

Another dream..

2010-06-11T11:16:00.001+08:00

I had another dream about you. Well at least a portion of it, the rest of it was rather distorted and weird...

That marks 3 dreams... I really am hopeless am i?

Incomplete...

2010-06-10T19:40:00.000+08:00

Believe me when i say i've been trying not to think of you.

I preoccupy myself with reading books, playing the com, hanging out with friends. But somehow, i inevitably think of you.

I feel so incomplete without your presence. I know i sound like a fool, a joke and an idiot.

But thats really how it is. I swear i've been trying to not think of you. I swear.

Sigh. Incomplete...

Another dream...

2010-06-09T11:09:00.001+08:00

Kept telling myself to not think too much of you, but i guess my subconscious mind isn't listening.

Just had another dream about you, its was a pleasant one. Though i shall leave the details out. Makes me wish the dream was real you know.

Haha. Fate...

Reckon...

2010-06-06T15:25:00.000+08:00

I reckon the worse part is over.

And prior to many of what you believe, I know what i'm doing.

:D

I've made my resolve and thats final. Tho to what that resolve is, only i'll know :D

Crazy

2010-06-03T23:22:00.003+08:00

I feel like i'm going crazy.

Its like i really want to be with you. Yet i dont want to pressurize nor force nor make you do so.

Its really a burden. Its killing me and making me think non stop. I really feel that i'm going crazy.

Really...

Is it because really as how you explained to me, or is it that i'm not fit for you?

Many such questions run through my mind, hurting me. I really dont want to think like that.

This really is tormenting. The ones that know about this keeps telling me to move on, but i simply cant. I feel like i'm looking at the one.

This really pains me. It really sucks.

I once told myself, to never hurt the one i love most. I know its pretty unrealistic, but i would do my best to uphold it.

Its hard to move on though, guess i'm stubborn minded in this aspect. Wish i could help you, wish i could be there for you. Many wishes indeed.

Call me a fool, call me an idiot, call me a moron, whatever, i just cant seem to give up.

Nice guys do finish last.

Do you know....

2010-06-01T01:20:00.010+08:00

Do you know?

Do you know it is my hope that you'd read this post, to know how i feel inside, but at the same time, not pressurize nor hint to you?

Do you know that I feel that having met you was one of the best things in life that happened to me?

Do you know that I am grateful to have gone through three years of poly with you?

Do you know that I'm glad we're friends?

Do you know I enjoyed the times we were together, be it in class, a chat on msn?

Do you know it broke my heart when you once wrote on the msn to me that I was a fake friend?

Do you know that with all my heart I want to protect and shield you from any harm?

Do you know that all I'm doing my very best to draw that line?

Do you know that I feel like my time with you might be over come august?

Do you know that your the very first girl I feel so strongly about (like I can give my life for you)?

Do you know that I have loved you for more than 2 years?

Do you know that I didn't fall love with you in the first year of poly, that the feelings developed close to the start of year 2?

Do you know that I've told you more about me than anyone?

Do you know I really wish to hold your hand, brush your hair with my hands, spend time with you?

Do you know that I feel like the world's biggest fool?

Do you know that despite me trying to move on, I haven't and can't?

Do you know that I believe in happily ever afters?

Do you know that I believe you are my one?

Do you know it was heart shattering when I told you in person, that if in future you were ready, to give me a chance, you said how can! You're my friend?

Do you know that I've never been able to tell you in person that I love you, yet you know that I do?

Do you know that when I see couples walking around, that I wish I were in their shoes?

Do you know I'm sick of all this one person stuff?

Do you know that anything vaguely related to you, like extremely vague, reminds me of you?

Do you know I love that smile of yours?

Do you know that I'm half my mind thinking of doing something crazy?

Do you know that these past few days have been a turmoil for me?

Do you know that it is my very hope that you'd give me a chance?

Do you know I really wish that you'd be happy?

Do you know I keeping wondering how are you?

Do you know that I've tried searching the ff-x2 game for you, just to replace your spoiled one so that you may complete your game that you mentioned to me?

Do you know that I do not regret doing all this?

Do you know if I could have moved on, I would probably have already?

Do you know that it's been hard for me to put up a real smile on my face?

Do you know I feel incomplete without your presence?

Do you know that sometimes I imagine saving you from danger like those fairy tale stories?

Do you know that I'm so very tempted to leave a rose outside your doorstep everyday till I have to enlist into the army?

Do you know that it's tough stopping myself from doing all Thai crazy stunts and acts?

Do you know that you are what i want most in the world, that I'd give up everything for?

Do you know that I have your back, always?

Do you know I trust you a lot?

Do you know that I feel happy in your presence?

Do you know that I secretly (well not that secret any more since it's on my blog now) think that you'd be my very one? My plus one.

Do you know that I wish I could have celebrated your birthday for you?

Do you know sometimes I wonder do my messages get to you, or are they simply ignored?

DO you know that hurts me to see you so close, yet so far?

Do you know that I want to be the guy that makes your dream of being married at 26 come true?

Do you know that I hope to meet up with you soon as I feel as though time is running out, that as I said, come august, it'd be hard to meet up with you?

Do you know that I'm wondering whether or not you received my sms yesterday, or are you just ignoring me?

Do you know that I'm wondering whether has our friendship gone awkward?

Do you know that I've had the most heart breaks I ever had from you?

Do you know that no matter what, I'll be here for you?

Do you know that no sum of money, no amount of fame, no quantity of hot girls, can ever ever compare to you, for you are perfect?

Do you know that walking down orchard road, watching a movie at lido, reminded me of you saying you knew orchard road like the back of your hand?

Do you know that I wish I could barge in and just take you?

Do you know that I can't stop thinking about you, and with all the constant reminders around me, like knowing orchard road by the back of your hand, or liking the popcorn at lido, or passing by the 825 bus stop at yio chu kang station or even playing my final fantasy that i remember you said you liked playing rpg games and that you can get so engrossed in them?

Do you know this experience is giving me my lowest point in my life now?

Do you know...............

Sigh.....

Make that....

2010-06-01T00:59:00.001+08:00

Make that...

Smiles on the outside, Miserable and sad on the inside.

D:

Hah...

Or maybe its because i'm listening to a sad song thats why i'm sad. Bleh... who knows.

Smiles...

2010-05-31T20:17:00.001+08:00

Smiles outside.... Miserable inside....

Popcorn....

2010-05-31T15:11:00.002+08:00

Went to watch a movie with my parents and brother today. Order popcorn. It reminded me of how you liked the popcorn sold at shaw theaters. You said they added butter into the popcorn. Hah...

And everytime the rexona commercials in the theater plays. It reminds me of you, not because of what is shown, but the song played, you used the song on your blog.

Even when watching halfway through the show, i end up thinking about you.

Hah... And then i think of my approaching national service enlistment date, and your university starting. Seems to me like a ticking timebomb...

Sigh

How are....

2010-05-30T20:24:00.002+08:00

Its been a week or so since we met.

How have you been?
Have you received other offer letters from the remaining universities?
How is your dog, rico?

And more so i want to say than these questions. Is to yell out to you...

I love you.

Sigh... I kinda realized that i've never, not once, said i love you in person. Its always been through a media, like a card etc. Really want to say that to you in person...

Haha. I'm really a lost cause aint i? I'm such a fool, such an idiot. To have fallen this deeply in love. Lost cause... really am...

Hah.